Nike Shorts are Good/Bad

I'm SERIOUSLY losing my mind. I think it's the lack of sleep combined with long hours of strenuous activity.

Because downtown is all atwitter with hipsters for #sxsw, we're running to the boathouse for afternoon practices. I didn't want to run with my wallet and car keys in my hand but I also didn't want to leave all of my stuff with the coaches. I am wearing my So-Comfortable-It-Almost-Makes-Sense-To-Pay-$25-Dollars-for-These Nike sorority Shorts. Among their awesome features, they include a built-in lining and a teeny-tiny storage pocket. So, I decide I have a GREAT idea: I take my apartment key and my car key off of the ring and stick them both in the mini-pocket of my shorts.

Now, Kelsey and Erica are in the room while I’m doing this, but Kelsey is mesmerized by our psychedelic cupcakes and Erica by her new favorite movie Sky High, so there is no one around to talk any sense in to me. At first, the logical side of me says, “You can’t even keep track of your shoes on your feet or remember what seat you are in the boat. Surely having two keys NOT on a key ring is just asking for trouble." But, my heart tells me (as it does before every bad decision I make): “This time, of course, will be different!”

Which means, of course, that this time was no different: I lost my apartment key.

I walk to my apartment door and search my mini-pocket for the key. NOT. THERE. I run back down to the car. NOT. THERE. I check the trunk and every little crevice of the car. I check the in ground around my car. I drive back to the parking lot by the Rec Center and check the ground around my parking spot. NOT. THERE.

Skip forward yadayada. No keys. No cell phone. No ID. They’re all in my apartment!! I do not have a spare key. And all three of my roommates are out of town for Spring Break and won’t be back until Sunday. SO SCREWED!

I went to see if I could jump up onto my balcony from the courtyard. After multiple attempts, people started giving me weird looks, so I stopped. I didn’t know where to go! What to do? I had NOTHING. My only form of identification was a handwritten form from the DPS saying that I was not liable for my handicapped ticket. And all that form was good for was to tell me how dumb I was: just three days ago I SAVED three hundred dollars because I got my parking ticket dismissed. Now I was going to have to pay that much to hire a locksmith and get all the locks in my apartments changed. (Surprisingly, I was a lot less upset over this than I was over the parking ticket. I think I’m just numb to my own stupidity now. ☹)

So I go over to Kelsey E.’s place and I tell her the story and she’s all like “Oh NO!” but on her face I can totally see this look of “well I’m not surprised, that seems like something your dumbass would do.” Which is true. Because this is exactly the type of dumbass thing I would do. She lets me use her phone to call the locksmith and he’s like “We’ll be there in 45 minutes.” (Aside: Do you think he’d REALLY open the apartment for me? I didn’t have any ID and I looked like a smelly vagabond off the street! Super Unsafe!)

I’ve pretty much bounced back and I’m ready to go to Sarah’s to wait for the locksmith while eating some Potluck food. Kelsey graciously lends me some clothes AND

When I take off my shorts, MY KEY FALLS TO THE GROUND! YES!

And so my love/hate relationship with Nike Shorts continues -- Curse you, Nike Shorts and your deceptive lining! But also: Thank you, Nike Shorts, and your awesome key-catching lining!


(And then I found five dollars.)